


The Loneliest Numbers

by mdr_24601



Series: you're not alone at the table anymore [6]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Loneliness, Luther Hargreeves-centric, No Incest, Reginald Hargreeves' A+ Parenting, Vanya Hargreeves-centric, no beta we die like ben
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-24
Updated: 2020-10-24
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:28:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27181804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mdr_24601/pseuds/mdr_24601
Summary: Luther and Vanya were two opposite ends of the spectrum; One and Seven, the leader and the ordinary one.But maybe they had more in common than they realized.
Relationships: Luther Hargreeves & Vanya Hargreeves, The Hargreeves Family
Series: you're not alone at the table anymore [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1958572
Comments: 2
Kudos: 61





	The Loneliest Numbers

**Author's Note:**

> Quick disclaimer: much of the dialogue comes directly from the show and was not created by me. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy this one, it was so great to write. <3

Vanya’s footsteps echoed on the tiled floor of the Academy. It was dark and shadowed and empty, just as she’d remembered it. She’d left the mansion at eighteen and hadn’t come back, so being in the house again was nothing short of incredibly uncomfortable. 

The house always had a way of making her feel small, with its vast hallways and high ceilings. Or maybe it wasn’t the house, but the people in it. Her siblings (her superpowered, special, _extraordinary_ siblings) had always taken up space, but Vanya hadn’t. 

She couldn’t. She wasn’t allowed. 

Resentment burned in her chest and made her hands shake, a feeling not unlike the one she had when she wrote the book. The book, the truth about the Academy and forgotten Number Seven; the one her siblings still hated her for. 

In some ways, she hated herself, too. 

Vanya’s head snapped up as Allison walked down the stairs, looking tall and elegant and regal. She was polite, at least, and civil. Awkward, but not hostile, so Vanya supposed she should be thankful for that. 

“What is she doing here?” Diego walked into the room, and Vanya recoiled. "You don’t belong here. Not after what you did.”

“You’re seriously gonna do this today?” Allison asked. Diego silently walked up the stairs. “Way to dress for the occasion, by the way.”

“At least I’m wearing black,” he drawled without looking back at them. 

Vanya curled her shoulders in and said nothing. After a pause, she shook her head. “You know what, maybe he’s right. And I shouldn’t—”

“Forget about him,” Allison said, cutting her off. “I’m glad you’re here.”

The words sounded foreign, coming from Allison’s mouth. Vanya averted her eyes as years of _Go away, Vanya_ ’s and _We’re doing an Academy thing'_ s rung in her ears. 

_We’re doing an Academy thing, you’re not a part of the Academy, you’re not wanted._

Allison looked at her for another moment, eyes flitting awkwardly across the room. Neither of them quite knew what to do with themselves. Even as children, despite being the only girls in the house, Allison and Vanya had never been close. Maybe it was because Allison had a personality that was larger than life while Vanya barely had a personality at all. 

But, for whatever reason, her and Allison had never gotten along very well. They never understood each other. 

Well, it was nice to know that some things didn’t change. 

Allison walked away eventually, as Vanya knew she would. There was no use in standing in the hall silently, not talking or making any effort to communicate. But something in Vanya _hurt_ until that too faded away, leaving her hollowed out and empty. 

* * *

After his siblings left the Academy, Luther trained. That wasn’t unusual. He’d trained every day for the past eighteen years, so why should he have stopped just because everyone else did? 

Still, he couldn’t deny the small part of him that whispered _what are you still doing here?_

He was Number One, wasn’t he? Being the leader had always been an important role, ever since they were children going on missions. Luther was the leader, he made the calls when Dad wasn’t around to do it. 

But what good was being the leader if there wasn’t anybody else left to lead?

“You don’t need to call me by my number anymore,” Luther had said to his father night, long after everybody else had gone. 

“Why not?” Dad asked, staring at him expectantly. 

“Because I’m the only one left.”

His father said nothing, engrossed in his work, so Luther took that as his cue to leave. His father was undoubtedly busy, after all. The hallways were dark and empty as he walked. If he hadn’t grown up in this very house, he would have found it hard to believe that seven children once lived there at all. 

Missions were especially difficult without them, even years after they’d all packed up and left. Maybe difficult wasn’t the right word, exactly, because he’d been trained to handle missions on his own. But sometimes, he caught himself looking over his shoulder to smile at Allison after finishing the mission. Or reminding himself to watch over Klaus, or opening his mouth to give Diego instructions. He was the leader, and it was his job to think about things like that. 

Or, he used to be the leader. 

There was no more team, and there hadn’t been for a long time. 

It wasn’t until a disastrous mission, one that ended with him waking up in a body that wasn’t his, for the fact to truly sink in. Dad sent him to the moon for another mission, something important, and he could afford to do so. Luther could go to the moon because he wasn’t needed on Earth, and wasn't needed by the Academy. 

Once he left for the moon, he stopped entertaining the flicker of hope that suggested that his siblings might walk back in, ready to be a team again. 

Luther knew that Ben’s death had severed the thin ties between them. He’d known it all along. But the mission on the moon only solidified the fact. 

He went anyway, of course. For four years, he worked diligently, completing the tasks his father assigned, no matter how mundane or redundant they felt. It was a mission, and he was a hero, so it was his job. 

It still hurt, though. His new body, the grotesque proportions that didn’t feel like his own, was hard to get used to. He’d stumble his way around, not sure what to do with the extra hulking mass at his shoulders, or the way his arms felt too big to be his. He took up too much space. 

Luther wasn’t sure what hurt worse: the fact that his body wasn’t his own anymore, or the fact that none of his siblings were around to watch it happen. 

* * *

The next time Vanya saw Allison, she was on the brink of tears. Allison had cried a lot as a child, to get what she wanted, usually, so the sight was somewhat familiar. She hung up the phone after asking for her daughter, tears clinging to her eyelashes. 

“Are you okay?” Vanya asked softly.

“Yeah.”

“Well, I’ve never met your ex-husband, but he sounds like an asshole.” 

Allison stared into space, eyes slightly glassy. “That’s one word for it,” she responded. 

“You know what?” Vanya asked. “You’re probably better off here.”

“No, I’m probably better off with my daughter.” Allison’s expression was one she’d worn many times in front of Vanya. Eyebrows furrowed, pretty lips pulled into a frown. An expression that said _I don’t want anything you have to say to me._

Suddenly, she was a child again, lonely and yearning for approval. That longing for approval eventually turned into longing for any recognition at all, good or bad. Vanya flinched. “Of course, um, I’m sorry, I didn’t—”

Allison didn’t stop. “You know, if I wanted advice, Vanya, no offense, it wouldn’t be from you.”

She recoiled. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“You don’t have a child. You’ve never even been in a relationship.”

“That’s not true,” Vanya protested weakly. She’d dated before, but nothing ever stuck. 

“So you know what it’s like to love someone like this?” Allison asked coldly. “Like when you’re apart from her, you can’t breathe? Like you would—you would die, and I mean actually _die_ to know that she’s okay and happy. You separate yourself from everyone and everything, you always have.”

Something burned in Vanya’s chest, warm and angry, and she narrowed her eyes. “Because Dad made me.” Couldn’t they see that she was lonely? Couldn’t they tell that they pushed her away? 

Allison scoffed. “Did Dad make you write that book about us, too?”

Vanya’s shoulders curled in again, and she desperately willed herself to be invisible. She used to joke with Five that she did have a power after all, that she could turn invisible. It had to be her powers, because the way she could walk into a room without anybody even looking up couldn’t be attributed to anything but her extraordinary abilities, right?

Vanya was a child then. She grew out of that futile hope quickly. 

Allison brushed past her, and Vanya felt small again. Before she walked away, Allison turned around, her voice cold and scathing. “You’re an adult now, Vanya. You don’t get to blame your problems on anything but yourself.”

She watched her sister walk away. Vanya’s eyes studied a spot on the floor, her shoulders hunched, as if trying to make herself as small as possible. 

* * *

Luther held Vanya close, close enough to hurt, not that she could realize it yet. But she was dangerous, she’d hurt Allison, and it was his job as the leader to neutralize the threat. 

Even if the threat was his little sister. 

Vanya walked into his arms without thought. She was drowning in his large frame, her tears soaking his shirt. Her cries turned to coughs, desperate and pleading. “You’re hurting me.”

“I’m sorry,” Luther said, but he didn’t let go until she went limp in his arms. 

The others were mad at him, not that he’d expected anything different. Maybe their years outside of the Academy had made them go soft, and they couldn’t remember what it was like to make sacrifices for the greater good anymore. Vanya was dangerous and needed to be contained, before she could hurt anyone else. Dad had done the same thing. 

“We can’t keep her locked up without proof,” Diego was saying. 

“What more proof do you need?” 

“Why don’t we just open up the door and ask her?” Klaus asked, looking at Vanya’s trembling form. 

“No, she’s not going anywhere.” Luther grabbed Klaus by the shoulder and wrenched him back. 

“No, even if you’re right, she needs our help, and we can’t do that if she’s locked in a cage,” Diego said. Even as children going on missions, Number Two had disagreed with him about most things. 

“Yeah, and for all we know, she might be struggling with this new power. I mean, it must be scary, terrifying, really, to discover that you can do something you never thought you could do,” Klaus said. 

“Look, if what Pogo told me is even half true, then she’s not just a danger to us,” Luther said. Vanya screamed, banging on the window, but nobody could hear her. 

It wasn’t that he enjoyed locking his little sister up. But she was dangerous and something needed to be done. They couldn’t just act like it never happened, not after what she did to Allison. It wasn’t fun, but Number One had to make the tough decisions. He always had, especially after the others left, and there was nobody else left to make decisions for. 

Soft footsteps signaled the arrival of Allison, looking shaky and tired. “Allison, what are you doing down here? You should be in bed.”

Allison scrawled something on her notepad. _Let her go._

“I can’t do that,” he said. “She hurt you.”

Allison wrote something again, her face sad when she looked up. _My fault._

“I’m sorry, but she’s staying put. Just until we know what we’re dealing with.” Allison pushed at him a few times, soft grunts coming out. “She stays put,” Luther repeated. 

She cried, tears leaking from her eyes as she watched Vanya scream through the window. Still, Luther wouldn’t let her through. Allison pushed again, and he knew she’d rumor him if she could. But she couldn’t, because Vanya took that from her. 

“Come on,” he said, guiding her away. “Let’s go.”

He left Vanya in the little cell alone, and didn’t look back. 

* * *

Vanya opened the barn door with a creak. Harlan was good at hide-and-seek, so when Sissy allowed one game, she hadn’t wasted any time trying to find him. She understood Harlan in a way that Sissy, try as she might, simply didn’t. Sissy was wonderful, kind and loving and gentle, but there were some things that she just didn’t experience. Not like her or Harlan.

Vanya paused. What made her understand Harlan? What feelings of his could she relate to? Mentally, she added that to her ever growing list of questions about who she used to be. 

Losing her memories was frustrating, to say the least. There were flashes of things, occasionally, but nothing clear enough to form a clear picture. It felt like she was trying to put a puzzle together, but every time she reached for a piece, it dissolved in her hand. But the Coopers had been wonderful, and she had found a family with them over the last few weeks. 

“Harlan?” she called, focusing on the task at hand. “Come out, come out, wherever you are.”

Her eyes scanned the barn again. Something creaked in the doorway and Vanya spun around to see a huge blond man staring back at her. She felt smaller just looking at him. Fear fluttered in her heart, but he asked, “Vanya?” 

The fear was replaced with a sudden rush of hope. “You know who I am?”

The man looked at her incredulously. “What? Of course I know you.”

She walked closer, her heart getting lighter with every step. “Oh my God, I’ve been putting ads in the paper, hoping somebody would—”

“Stay back,” the man said, holding out his hand. “Stay back, wait.”

Vanya’s heart sank and she took a few steps back. “How do we know each other?”

“Stop it,” he said. 

“Stop what?”

“Whatever bullshit game this is, okay?” he snapped. “That’s not why I’m here.”

Vanya shook her head. “No, no, I’m not...I’m not lying. I… I had an accident, and it affected my memory.” The man was giving her a strange look, and her chest tightened with worry. Maybe he wasn’t all that glad to see her. “Did I do something?”

“Okay, no, it’s more complicated than that.”

“If I hurt you, I’m...I’m sorry. If anybody—”

The man raised his hand for her to stop. “No. Don’t!” Tension hung in the air as his breath trembled. “You shouldn’t be the one to apologize.”

Vanya’s blood ran cold as horror settled in her stomach. “What did you do to me?”

“I let you down. I did horrible things, things that I’m not proud of...when I could’ve just tried helping you.” His face was twisted in anguish and Vanya's breath caught in her throat. Whatever he had done, it was serious. “I thought it was my job to keep everyone safe, and I just...I just made it all worse. I never wanted to be the bad guy. So, if you’re bullshitting me, Vanya,” she shook her head again, “I don’t care. If you’re hiding out here and don’t want to be found, I understand. I just came here to tell you that I’m sorry for my part in what happened.”

She stared at him, mind reeling. Before she could dwell on it, Harlan came barreling out from behind a pile of hay, and she rushed to comfort him. “Harlan, Harlan, hey.”

“Who’s the kid?” the man asked. 

In the doorway, Sissy cocked a rifle. “He’s my son.” The man tensed. “And you got about ten seconds to explain your business here.”

The man held out a wallet and gave it to Sissy before leaving the barn, not giving her a second glance. Vanya stood still, her arm still wrapped around Harlan. She’d found someone who knew her, but somehow ended up with more questions than before he’d arrived. 

Her head was spinning with questions, about her past and that man and what exactly happened that made him so contrite. Sissy gave her another glance but all Vanya could do was stand there as she tried to work out exactly who she was. 

* * *

During his time in Dallas, Luther had a lot of time to think about what happened. With Vanya, with Dad, with his time on the moon and with the Academy. Finding out that his moon mission was for nothing revealed truths that he hadn’t stopped to consider before. Truths like: Dad never loved any of them, they were all hurt, and Vanya needed help. 

She needed help, and he locked her up instead. Luther was supposed to protect them, all of them, not be the one they needed protection from. 

He had apologized, but Vanya didn’t remember anything at the time, so it didn’t matter much. Even so, trying to repair whatever semblance of a relationship they had wasn’t priority when there was a doomsday to stop. They regrouped at Elliot’s after stopping doomsday, but it seemed that the trouble wasn’t over yet. 

They argued about how to proceed and what to do, but they all stopped when Vanya spoke up. “I’m leaving.”

“What?” Allison asked, standing up. “To go where?”

“Sissy’s farm,” Vanya replied. “Something’s wrong with Harlan, and I need to help him.”

Luther stepped forward. “Vanya, we need to stick together, okay? Now more than ever.”

“That’s why I’m telling you this.” Vanya stepped forward too, exuding a rare confidence that he had never seen in her before. “Whatever’s going on with Harlan, I think I might’ve caused it.”

“How?”

She inhaled deeply. “He drowned, and, uh, somehow I was able to bring him back to life. And now, it’s like we’re connected.”

“What does that even mean?” Luther asked. 

“I don’t know, I can’t explain,” she said, shaking her head, “but I know that he needs my help. I need your help, too. I’m scared. And for the first time in my life, I don’t want to do it alone. I want my family by my side.”

Luther glanced at the expressions of his siblings, somber and considerate. He knew Vanya the day of Dad’s funeral never would’ve asked them for help, but her time in Dallas had changed her. It changed all of them. 

“Look, I’m sorry,” Diego said after a moment. “We have other priorities right now.”

“Diego’s right,” Five spoke up. “For once. We need to make our stand here and now.”

For a second, nobody spoke. “Okay,” Vanya said, resigned. “I guess I’ll see you when I see you.” She walked and nobody tried to stop her. 

Vanya’s words still rung in his ears. _I don’t want to do it alone. I want my family by my side._

Klaus was the first to join her, followed by Allison and Diego, then Five. Luther stood still, considering everything that had brought them to this moment. Their entire family dynamic had been irrevocably changed, and maybe that was a good thing. Nobody was willing to let Vanya walk off alone, not again. 

_I don’t want to do it alone._

How many times had he zipped up his mission suit and thought those exact words? How many times had he woken up to another gray day on the moon and wished for someone, anyone, to acknowledge him? How many days did he spend watching the street outside of the Academy, waiting for a glimpse of his siblings, just so he could have proof that they existed once?

If Vanya was reaching out, he wasn’t going to push her away again. He didn’t want to do it alone, either. He didn’t want to do anything alone ever again. 

Luther was the last one in the car, and it groaned as he settled into the trunk. “Anyone makes a fat joke and I’m outta here.”

Five rolled his eyes and Vanya sent him a smile, and he was just glad to have a family again. 

* * *

Vanya’s fingers twitched restlessly as she sat on the couch in the dingy motel room. It felt like they had been waiting days to rest long enough for the dust to settle, but now that they had, she couldn’t sleep. 

Not that everything was perfect. The appearance of the Sparrow Academy had rattled them all, leaving them to recuperate in a small motel room. The events of the last few days had been such a roller coaster of emotions, but now that she had time to reflect on everything, her mind wouldn’t shut off. 

“Couldn’t sleep?” Luther’s voice shook her from her thoughts. 

“No,” she said softly as he sat down beside her. “I can’t stop thinking about everything that happened.”

Her brother nodded. “I know. Me either.”

They were silent for another moment. Luther and Vanya were two opposite ends of the spectrum; One and Seven, the leader and the ordinary one. They didn’t have much in common, it seemed like. Not as kids and not as adults. 

“I read your book,” Luther said after a moment. She bristled. Vanya hadn’t stopped feeling bad for the things she wrote in there. She was in a bad place when she wrote it, resentful and sad and lonely. 

“Are you mad?” she asked. 

“I was, at first,” he responded carefully. “Before I really knew the truth about Dad. I thought it was unfair how you portrayed us, because there were good things, too.”

“I know,” Vanya said. “I know, I shouldn’t have said that stuff.”

Luther glanced down. “It took me a long time to realize that we didn’t all experience that house the same. And I’m sorry. I didn’t know you felt that way.”

“It’s okay,” she said with a small smile, glad to realize that it actually was. “I didn’t realize how much you guys were hurting, either. I thought that because you all had powers and went on missions, your lives were at least better than mine.”

He nodded. “We shouldn’t have excluded you the way we did. I should’ve known better.”

Vanya shrugged. “Maybe, but we all should’ve known better. We were just kids trying to earn love from a man who wasn’t capable of giving it to us. And if it meant excluding me, you guys were willing to do it. But love shouldn’t have to be earned. And I’m sorry that you spent so long thinking that it should.”

“That doesn’t make it right,” Luther said. He paused, then, “I know how that feels now. To be alone. I didn’t back then, but I know now, and I don’t want you to feel like that ever again. Any of you. We’re a family now, right?” 

Hope flickered across her face, and Vanya smiled. “Right.”

Hesitantly, she reached for his hand and interlaced their fingers. Luther squeezed back gently. “We should get some sleep. I think Five will want to be planning first thing in the morning.”

She laughed a little. “I’m surprised Five is actually sleeping at all. I think he’s just been running on adrenaline and caffeine.”

“I don’t think I ever saw him sleep,” he agreed. “But he deserves it. We all do. We’ll figure out a plan in the morning, okay?”

“Okay,” Vanya said, nodding. Her eyes scanned the sleeping forms of her family, their silhouettes visible in the dark. It felt like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders, and her eyelids drooped with exhaustion. She curled up in bed content with the knowledge that she wouldn’t be waking up alone.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so glad I was finally able to write this! I've been wanting to write about Luther for a while, especially he and Vanya's shared feelings of loneliness, but I was never really able to get started. I've never written from his point of view before, so I hope I captured his character decently. This was so satisfying to write so I hope you all enjoyed reading it. 
> 
> Also, I've been wanting to write about Allison (Diego, too, but mostly Allison) because her character development in season two was amazing and I want to explore that, but I'm not really sure how. So, if you have any ideas for one-shots to write regarding her, I would love to hear them!
> 
> And of course I had to include the car scene with season two because that's one of my absolute favorite scenes and it warms my heart. 
> 
> Okay, this has gotten long. Be sure to leave kudos or comment if you enjoyed, and thank you so much for reading! <3


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